summer humid, you can't believe.
oven hot and closet still.
something brewing west,
thick heavy sky darkness rolling.
rain races, beating, hail, high wind - boom,
lightning cracks a quarter mile away.
what’s hit’s on fire
or gone blown to hell now, i’d say.
half hour later, all’s still again,
a bit cooler, lone wren cries loud,
accounting for it's family.
with that we’ll end the day, show’s over.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
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8 comments:
Your visuals are so immaculate. I adore you and your blog. Please visit mine sometime, I would really appreciate your feedback, darling.
Afternoon Tea
http://www.madisonreece.blogspot.com
My favorite line is: "what's t hits on fire" in the context and rhythm of the second stanza, which is also my favorite stanza. I also like "oven hot and closet still," and "lone wren cries loud, accounting for it's family." Your poem evokes the fury, and then the stillness and recovery, after a summer storm, quite nicely.
thanks you, Madison.
Annie, i took the little t out.
it was a hard contraction for me to figure out.
was a powerful storm
i wanted to catch that.
then the furious bird in the after quiet,
i had to guess what that was about
as i really don't speak bird.
Hi Jack,
It reads well with the change. I took the line to mean: what's to hit is on fire, which I thought was unique, because you probably can't see what is on fire, just assume something is, because of the intensity of the strike. What's hit's on fire has a more literal meaning, which works well, too.
I also liked the things Annie mentions (the fire especially). I always wonder when I hear that crack. Adding the wren in the end is a perfect detail, but I'm guessing it's real by your above comment. Beautiful work, Jack.
“what is hit is on fire”
or maybe
“what it hit is on fire”
I meant one of those,
right now - that’s allican say.
Aniie, your mysterious interpretation
is good too.
Julie, thank you.
Yes, the bird was real in the otherwise after storm silence.
the bird did seem to have something urgent to impart.
Kia ora Jack,
How many times I enjoyed afternoons like that in Wisconsin, a hot humid day, a sudden, even violent storm, then the coolness of evening. Cheers for the reminder Jack.
Ka kite ano,
Robb
Come on, Robb, are you trying to tell me it doesn't rain in New Zealand? The song said it never rains in Southern California, and that wasn't true either. I was on Guam for two years and we had typhoons with breakfast.
Ka kite ano to you to,
and be happy.
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